They finally met two months ago.
Before the big meeting, "he always responded to my messages promptly,” says 22-year-old Lu Moyao, and after business trips “he would stay up all night to keep me company” online.
“It made me feel so happy."
They met and spent a month together.
But Lu and her beau eventually agreed not to continue their relationship.
"Our future plans diverge,” Lu says. “To prevent the flower from withering, I would rather not let it bloom."
The perspective of China’s Generation Z on love and marriage appears more sober and rational than the impulsive, carefree image more commonly associated with youth.
China’s Gen Z are defined as those born between 1995 and 2009.
One thing is for sure about this generation: They are staying single longer and marrying later.
The country's marriage rate in 2022 was 5.22 percent, a 42-year low, as reported by the Ministry of Civil Affairs.
As of 2020, the number of single adults in China exceeded 240 million, according to the National Bureau of Statistics.
Young individuals prioritize personal values in love, marriage and childbirth, emphasizing mutual support, emotional fulfillment, companionship and personal growth, rather than the traditional protective function of marriage and procreation, believes Renmin University of China Professor Li Ting.
‘Love is a science’
"The love story in [2016 musical movie] La La Land moved me to tears, but in real life I don't invest too much energy in romantic relationships," says Chen Man, a 20-year-old woman.
"Eternal love is too false," says Hu Xunchang, a 23-year-old woman in a stable relationship. "In love, it's more about trivial things than philosophy and classical music. “Finding a soulmate with perfect harmony is not realistic.”
Effective communication was the most essential thing, she said.
China’s Gen Z seems to exhibit less of a naive passion for romantic idol dramas and more of a pragmatic interest in love and relationships.
A survey by the China Youth Daily revealed that 88 percent of college students support the idea of offering love courses at universities.
Love courses familiarize students with evolving gender roles and social mores, offering advanced, objective sociological insights into seemingly intensely personal subjective values.
The students are cultivating skills and abilities to recognize, express and sustain love.
Professor Liang Yongan's course on love at Fudan University in Shanghai has already garnered over 15 million views on the Bilibili short video platform.
Yan Yuchen, a 21-year-old female college student, is a loyal viewer.
"Love is a science and it needs to be managed well," Yan says.
Views on marriage appear to be changing fast: 34 percent of young people no longer view marriage as an obligatory step, according to a 2021 survey by the Communist Youth League.
"I don't think marriage is necessarily connected to love," says Alexa Gao, 28. "I see marriage as an economic institution, like starting a company together, a camaraderie relationship."
The younger generation is also reconsidering the traditional male and female gender roles amid the unique societal and workplace pressures they find themselves confronting.
Her voice
In seeking a job, Bu Jiamin, 22 is frank about the so-called "motherhood penalty," whereby future job evaluations, salaries, promotion opportunities and countless other issues appear to weigh against her.
"When looking for a job, HR always asks women when they are going to marry and have kids,” Bu says. “If I tell them I’m not planning on kids, maybe I will have a better chance of getting an offer.
“I think most girls don't want to have kids because they don't want to take on the risk."
Against this economic backdrop, views on traditional male and female gender roles in a relationship also appear to be changing fast among China’s Gen Z.
"I think if women want to be in a relatively stable state in today's society or at least not inferior to men, their first priority is not marriage and love, but economic independence," says Alexa Gao, an independent English teacher.
Gao is saving for a house in Chengdu this year.
In fact about 82 percent of women surveyed by 58.com real estate platform said they planned to buy a house within five years, and nearly 40 percent said within two years, according to a 2021 report. Sixty percent of the women surveyed were 21-25.
Gao says she explained it her mother this way: "If I can't get married, I'll work alone in Chengdu, drive my own car and live in my own house."
Financial challenges
The rising cost of a wedding creates a roadblock en route to love or marriage for young people.
An average wedding cost 253,000 yuan (about $39,400) for new couples in 2021, according to a survey by Hunliji marriage service platform. That figure was already 3.8 times higher than 2016.
A traditional Chinese wedding comes with financial burdens including cash, jewelry, cars and real estate.
The average value of betrothal gifts nationwide is 69,000 yuan (about $10,700), or more than twice the average annual disposable income of Chinese people in 2020 (32,200 yuan), according to a Tencent News survey.
Against his girlfriend's wishes, Shi Menghao, 22, wants a “delayed marriage.”
"My family is of modest means and I cannot guarantee a worry-free life for both of us,” Shi says. “During the period while I am still establishing my career, I prefer to set the issue of marriage aside."
Almost inevitably new independent concepts of marriage are emerging such as the "split-the-bill marriage."
Jiang Nan, a 22-year-old senior student, obtained a marriage certificate with her boyfriend at the end of last year.
"We didn't exchange betrothal gifts or a dowry,” she says, “and both sets of parents were very open-minded.
“We will work together and split the cost of the house and car evenly once we have sufficient financial strength.”
Gen Z "neither hold intense romanticism nor intense negation towards love," says Liang, the love course professor. "As these generations accumulate, they will form a new value consensus, new perspectives on life and a new awareness of love, propelling our society into a truly modern stage."